FINALLY. FROM CHURNING MAGMA AND BILLOWING GASES I HAVE SHAPED AND MOLDED THIS PARADISE. ALL THAT REMAINS IS TO POPULATE IT WITH CREATURES MADE IN MY IMAGE. I DON’T WANT THEM TO HAVE TO WORK OR FORAGE FOR FOOD, THOUGH, SO I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE SOME KIND OF ANNOYING, IGNORANT, SELF DESTRUCTIVE AND NEUROTIC BIPEDAL ASSHOLES WHOSE INTENSE LONELINESS EVEN IN THE MIDST OF THEIR OWN KIND WILL COMPEL THEM TO SHELTER, FEED, ADORE AND PAMPER MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN.
Oh. Oh this explains a lot.
You shouldn’t do things, because no matter how beautiful and perfect it turns out, somebody on the internet will notice one tiny, totally irrelevant mistake you made and they will shit all over you for it. Then everybody will upvote the shitter for shitting on you, as if to say “yes, shit on them. Shit all over them. Forever. Never stop shitting on them.”
You should probably just eat pudding out of a mixing bowl and die in your sleep instead.
(Source: tyleroakley, via thebrockway)
Untrained civilians are fighting small-scale wars against entire oppressive governments in Kiev and Caracas. I considered writing a letter to my congressman once, but Outlook crashed so I watched re-runs of Supernatural instead.
Recently, I’ve been spending far too much time reading up on various myth systems and have been refurbishing and relaunching a past world idea of mine. Here, I have essentially made a world in which I can write smaller stories so that I do not outrun my own attention span trying to tackle a larger piece of writing.
The precise premise of the world I’m working out and the direction of future stories should be made clear with this bit, a sort of suitably mysterious world introduction. I’ve taken into consideration (mostly for the sake of future stories) ancient myth interpretations and connecting points between differing myth systems in creating a robust and exciting world that does not contradict ancient myth while also being interpretive enough to not feel like a long string of writing shoe-horning.
Enjoy, or don’t. Either way, all feedback welcome, especially if I got comma happy at some point and made something wildly unreadable.
Give me $20 and I’ll spend it instantly. Give me more than a hundred, and I’ll hide behind the couch in terror of its untapped potential.
I just want to understand you, CVS Employee; are you telling me you DON’T sell Valentine’s Day cards a person can give to his dog, or are you telling me you WON’T sell one to me because the only other items in my cart are scotch and a frozen meal for one? — (via thisdanobrien)
#FriendZone #Relationships #Internet #CrackedQuotes [via]
It’s a beautiful day! The birds are singing, the squirrels are on drums supplying a frenetic beat whose promise is impossible to match, the dogs are providing a sick bass line that at once guides and disorients, while all through the track the lilting, maniac screech of the gopher’s keytar dips, ducks, bobs and weaves, attacking the listener from every direction at once. Nature has truly found its sound. 10/10.
The beautiful sounds of nature.
If I had hung on to every lesson my family taught me, I’d be a racist drug dealer, calling in sick to a factory job that I hate and dealing with DCFS every other month. I’d be stealing money from my grandmother and teaching my kids about sex by showing them a hardcore porno. You have to be willing to question it all … even the stuff that seems innocent and correct. What worked for your parents isn’t necessarily going to work for you. — John Cheese (via cracked)
The Cheese dispenses wisdom.